Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
