I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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