Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
