just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
