No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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