People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
