so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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