I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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