Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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