Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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