are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
