You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize