Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he just fucked me for my cheese..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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