can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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