youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
