she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
