i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
