why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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