Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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