addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You left your phone here
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