My nipple is on Facebook.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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