It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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