I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
