I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
