Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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