I accidentally burped into my bong.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He passed out mid-signature
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
