He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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