How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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