Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize