Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
