WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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