omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
