You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
