Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize