Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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