Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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