Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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