Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
