Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
