Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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