mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
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