Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
