at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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