The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
