fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
