it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
