is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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