Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
