If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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