Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
