My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
