I wish you could order shots online.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
