He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
