dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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