I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
