I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
