i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
