oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize