I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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