Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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