I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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