My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
