her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
