who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize