Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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