Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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