C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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