my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
