Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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