why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
