I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize