Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
