Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
