I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
