i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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