Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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