If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My bed smells like the plague
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