you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
