No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
