$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
