Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
