he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
