The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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