i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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