He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
