Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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