I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
