girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
