i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
