He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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