It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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