Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
