So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
even my farts smell like vagina
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I need a beard to bite.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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