Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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