Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
