I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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