I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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