I was born with a shot glass in my hand
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
