I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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