girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
