the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
